Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
