I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
