I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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