I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
