Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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