my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
