gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
