were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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