After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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