I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
