I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
