Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
