then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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