i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
