Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
