Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
