: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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