No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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