the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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