I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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