if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
