Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
