someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
