would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
