I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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