some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize