Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
