we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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