When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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