this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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