if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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