My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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