every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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