Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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