My friends, they love my intelligence
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
