I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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