Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
