My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
