3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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