I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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