hell yes lets make some ravioli
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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