i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
