Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
