why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
