Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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