I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
