is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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