Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize