She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
