What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
