Whod you bang
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
