I am puke
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
