It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
