Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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