Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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