He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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