You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
These tits shall not be calmed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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