So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
