I heard we made out
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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