My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
