Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
