I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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