Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself

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(843): View more from South Carolina

70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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(347): View more from New York

CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.

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(315): View more from New York

Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...

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(512): View more from Texas

He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?

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