Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
