To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
