Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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