I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
