Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
