You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
