Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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