This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
