chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
