Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
