we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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