I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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