I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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