Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
