It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
